(This is part of a two-part piece – read the first story here.)
A recent meditation during Immense Grace Kundalini training with my teacher Guru Jagat changed my life.
The only way to describe the incredible sensation I felt is to imagine what happens to the tops of freshly baked muffins as they puff and crack open.
An unknown, gentle yet booming voice spoke to me: “Fern, you never have to be afraid. Everything you’ve ever wanted is waiting for you. It’s all so close. You just need to listen. It’s all here. You are destined for greatness. There is no need to worry, ever. I’ve got you. I always have, I always will.”
At this moment, an image appeared in my mind. It was a very clear picture.
It was my future.
There was a big, white house on a hill in Malibu. “Of course. A white house,” I responded, with a smile.
Then, I saw the figure of a handsome, chiseled man. “Who is he? What is his name?” I asked the voice with full curiosity.
The voice replied:”Shhh… Be patient. I will show you. He is so close. He knows who you are and is waiting for you.”
There were visions of love, marriage, of children. I could feel relief wash over my entire body.
That’s when I began to wonder why I ever doubted myself.
Why did I ever think that I didn’t deserve to have this?
Why have I been so afraid of my own power and my own success?
I give and give and give to everyone else around me; as a teacher I often put everyone else’s needs before mine.
I often forget that I, too, deserve love and happiness.
“Why would you think you couldn’t have wealth, love, and beauty?
You give and serve so many people. You are doing big work on this planet. This is why I brought you into this world.
You are a saint and you need to keep going. Stay strong. Do not be afraid.
You are being held and guided, you always are. You always will be.
I am going to give you everything you’ve ever wanted.
I’ve always tried to reach you, but you were too busy to listen. I am so glad I was finally able to.”
My legs became paralyzed. I had to force them out of easy pose, shake them, and set them into savasana as I settled down on my back. Breathing deeply, I felt almost as if light beams were shooting out of my fingers and toes.
Tears continued to stream down my face.
I felt like a completely new woman.
All of my past insecurities and self-doubt had been transmuted into confidence and grace.
Photo Credit: Marisa Erin Photography