It is evening and I pull the book from the shelf, as if it has been waiting for that precise moment when its content suddenly reintroduces its relevance to my life.
It has survived 20 years of my moves from Seattle to New York City to Malibu to Berkeley to Napa loved as a memory from a time gone by.
I discover a note I have written in the margins. “This is where fear comes in” says my 20 year old self to my 40 year old self. I sigh, smile, hug my young self a little.
The book, on dance improvisation structures, is looking at how we arm ourselves with the performer, with the “how do I look,” and “is this right?” As a dancer I had spent years perfecting the nuanced use of my body as instrument before starting the journey of deconstructing this from body as shape maker to body as instrument of the soul. My 20 year old self was asking, could I be brave enough to expose the real me on stage?
Now this invitation feels even more poignant. In a time where I have spent real energy on choosing how I want to market myself and my own brands, especially self as brand, using instagram, twitter, and facebook, the idea resonates big.
Can I allow dedication to the moment, curiosity, and innate intention to guide me? Can I become so engrossed in the now that the “look good” desire can calm and real intimacy with life force itself can emerge in all of its beauty? Can I immerse myself in the experience of real self so deep that fears dissolve into the I Am of the moment?
It is an invitation to Bhakti. Awe. Wonder.
*Inspired by my 20 year old self and my 6 month old child.