Your boss belittles you for something you didn’t do, but you don’t stand up for yourself because you don’t know how to without getting into trouble with her. Your intuition tells you something is wrong here but you ignore it.
I was born into a family where we were taught to not stand up for ourselves, for fear of rocking the boat. Coupled with low self-esteem and confidence issues, I grew up thinking that I had to be a nice girl and that nice girls do not stand up for themselves. Nice girls are seen and not heard.
Nice girls do not listen to their intuition.
I believed I had no choices in life, everything happened to me and not for me. I had no right to stand up for myself and I had to ask permission to exist.
Yoga helped me to confront this problem. I started to realise that I had a choice and a voice. However, it’s only today that I realise the damage I did to my own voice by forever holding things in, ignoring my intuition and then wondering why I was seething with anger because my husband hadn’t emptied the dishwasher correctly.
My swallowed words grew into a huge ball of energetic anger that lived in my throat. It felt so physical I wanted to cough something up, blocking the flow of energy and disconnecting me from the rest of my body. I tried all sorts of things to shift it, yin classes, meditation, I even tried to breath it out. But it wouldn’t budge.
I knew that I needed to have a session with my sound healer to clear this blockage. We exorcised the ball of anger that had now become like black snakes crawling out of my mouth. I felt relief and immediately I heard my own intuition began speaking to me. It told me how to take care of myself, what to do and when, what to say and when.
Try this exercise: throughout the day notice how many times you have a thought about something but decide to not voice it. Make a record of these repressed expressions and then go back over them at the end of the day and see where you could have expressed yourself. The next day, see if you can voice your opinion even if it’s something very trivial. If you feel at any moment an urgency to say something but you are not sure how to express it, admit this to the person that you are communicating with. Be honest but make sure that you express yourself. Please don’t do as I did and swallow your words down so much that they turn into black snakes.
Please do get in touch if you need any assistance with this issue.