Rain; for the first time in over a month. Spring has been a blessing of warmth and bloom. The bulbs I planted with my mum back in late autumn continue to reveal their surprises, one after another. Daffodils rose like the sun and set soon after, fading and falling over within the space of a few weeks. Almost immediately, as if waiting in the wings, tulips started to twirl their pink and white petal skirts, opening at dawn and closing for the night. And now the purest pleasure of all unfolding, Rose, in all her luscious blushes.
So happy for this garden! I feel I have, for this moment, found myself in Santosha, a full and content acceptance of what is, and nature is literally, showing me, showering me, in return.
This new feeling occurs after breathing deeply around a sequence of heart opening asanas; a yoga balm applied to soothe a recent romantic bruise. I had begun to notice a caving in at my chest, a means to protect my disappointed heart no doubt, and yet mainly a self-deprivation of breath and feeling, which had left me straining to get, in an effort to replenish, rather than to give, from a place of fullness.
But the warmth generated by movement has melted away the tension lodged in my upper back, behind my heart, and breath has given stuck emotions room to arise and take their leave. Like the rain outside soaking through the thirsty soil, breath has permeated my parched body and my soul has lapped it up, resuming its natural shape.
How habitual it is to push up against these knots and blocks of unresolved emotion. And instead of turning inward, to grab outward for some momentary relief or hollow comfort – cigarettes, shopping, sugar, etc.
When contraction, lack and intense longing cuts us off from ourselves and each other, may we always remember to connect to breath and body, finding consolation from within and flowering outwards, with all the generosity and joy of a well loved garden.