Before I met and married my husband I lived with my friend and then lover in our nest in NYC. We were well matched and had lots of fun together. On more occasions than I would like to admit our fun would turn into violence and one day over a disagreement he roundhouse kicked me in the face. That kick, that moment knocked me into a new reality. It blackened the side of my face and jolted me into a place of wonder and gratitude for being alive. Leaving was the most difficult choice of my life. I stepped way out of my comfort zone and in that place I realized that I was accountable for my thoughts. My thoughts create my life. I can choose my life based in self-love and faith in universal source. That courage to leave created a wave of love, abundance and new life that I still marvel at today.
It took a rocket like energy (and some key friends) to catapult me out of that nest and time to emotionally part ways with my long time friend/lover. It took my fiercest kindest self to change my inner conversation and make a clean break. I would remind myself daily of my responsibility for my physical emotional health and my future children’s lives. If I had stayed I would not be showing up in the world as I am today.
From my perspective domestic violence creates a sense of altered reality where nothing makes sense and the world, as you know it has crumbled, as if the earth has lost its gravity. There are two choices, you can try to pretend that the world has not shifted or make a radical decision to believe in this new reality and with great courage move forward.
There are many persuading reasons to stay because this new reality and its implications are scary. If this is you right now and you relate, you may also think that you are at fault or an accomplice to the violence. I blamed myself for my partner’s actions and I hoped my love could heal him. It is never ok to be harmed by another. Never. No one ever deserves violence. I was scared beyond any time in my life and I talked myself directly in to the leap. I kept telling myself as I grabbed a handful of my belongings: I can do it.
Leap and the net will appear. I could not see the landing but I jumped anyway. No home, no money and heartbroken. I felt a purely primal fear of survival. I decided to believe that I had not been brought to this point in my life without great purpose and learning. I repeated to myself: I have everything I need.
With this great leap comes great love and support. It may come in forms that you have not considered. Be on the look out for this support as universal source is looking out for you. Keep going and reach out to friends. My greatest angel from the most unexpected place and I am forever grateful. Cry. Share. Laugh.
Journal. Dance. Go into Nature. Breathe deep. You are not alone. Anyone can find them selves at a crossroads needing the power of Fierce Kindness. Use it to change your inner conversation and access it outside of you by asking for help.