Just Say Yes

If I take an honest look at my days with my children,
If I ask myself how much I truly show up for them,
I have to quietly, regretfully admit,
I say no an awful lot.

I say no to the trip to the park,
No to the candy at the grocery store.
No to the puzzles when I’m working and no to ball hockey after dinner.
I say no to painting.
I loath painting.
Sometimes, on particularly busy days,
I say no to bedtime books, too.

And I know that life is about balance.
I am know I’m a damn good mama.
I know how consuming my love is for them.
I know that we are flawed and flawless all at once.
And sharing these challenges here, with you, makes me honest.
Makes me a beautiful mess of a human being.
Not someone to aspire to be.
Not someone to admire.
Not someone hiding whats really going on behind closed doors.

Raw and real.
A beautiful, bleeding heart,
Trying.

Sometimes I’m angry.
Sometimes I’m impatient.
Sometimes I’m hurting.
And sometimes I just want to be alone.

Life is spinning all around me. So, so fast.
If I don’t settle into the stillness of my centre,
If I don’t make decisions that align with my heart,
I get caught up in the chaos of life.

If I don’t align with my heart,
The centre of absolutely everything,
The opening…
Then I forget.

I forget who I am.
I forgot all that I am.
All that I am made up of.

But.

I want more than that.
I want to show up to life.
Fully, unabashedly.
Whimsically.

And that means showing up for my children.

Life is unfolding.
Life is coming undone exactly as its meant to.
I am right where I’m supposed to be.

But.

I want to be present for my darlings.
I want to look at their faces and savour the mess.
Savour the uncertainty.
Savour this moment and the next one, too.

I want to play.
I want to stop controlling everything.
Stop worrying.
About the perfect meal,
The perfect house,
The perfect life,
And just SEE that its all already here.

Life is already right here.

So I take deep breaths.
And then I take a few more.

I soften my heart.
I get so, so tender.
I listen. I align.

Or at least I try.

Heres to saying yes in the moments that count.
To the messiness.
To the puzzles and the play dough.
To the memories.

Just say YES, Mama.

Life is happening right here.