Things I resented the most right after my two and half year old son Tommy died?
Babies. Glowing pregnant mothers. Little boys in general. Happiness in general. People with normal ungrateful boring lives in general. The world kept on turning and I kept shouting but no sound came out.
So I started writing (thank you, years of journaling)- much easier than talking. Then I rolled out my mat (thank you, yoga teacher trainings). And then I got to painting (thank you thing I love doing the most). I kept teaching the mommies and babies. Exposing myself to what was most uncomfortable & heavy- this lifted a veil and uncovered a mask. In doing what I was passionate about, I could meet Tommy there. Perhaps where there was grief, joy could also be. If I could not survive the pain, I could become whole inside of it.
The word passion comes from the Latin root word, patior, which means “to suffer”. We clearly do not use the word as such now. But when I learned that, I thought it really made a bunch of sense. When we follow our passions, we really follow our pain! We take off our masks. We show our real face. We love the thing so much it hurts. One of the many complex reasons why there is so much resistance around doing stuff we love!
I cannot unlive the things I have lived. But I can move through my resentments & hurts by doing what I love, which keeps me intimate with pain and ultimately releases me from it.
Art & Yoga is my jam, it helps my release.
What are some of YOUR passions, anyways?