I remember the way I felt when I left my teacher training. After a month spent learning about yoga, teaching, meditation and the yogic life, I was so connected to myself & my thoughts. I was keeping track of my ideas and I couldn’t believe that I’d have the honor of guiding people through their transformations, the way I was guided through my own. I felt excited and humbled by the experience and I had the greatest sense of purpose.
Fast forward a few months and sometimes I completely forget about all of these feelings and ideas. I lose track of my thoughts and let my ego take over too often. And I know exactly what is causing so much disruption and trouble in my mind: Instagram.
Writing it sounds stupid and yet I sense this is not just my own reality. As I am learning to shut others’ voices out to make space for my own, working to build a community on social media sometimes feels like taking one step back when I take two on my own path to authenticity.
I changed my ‘handle’ during my TTC, already quite determined about what I’d do with these small squares. I would share my learnings, bits of my journey, hoping people would find value in these bits the same way I was inspired by other teachers. I’d be talking about our ego, emotions, empathy, compassion, tolerance and about how asana is the gateway to something much deeper. I’d talk about how we’re setting limiting beliefs upon ourselves through our words. New ideas came to my mind every day. It felt like magic.
Now I let myself be blinded by the material world so easily, keeping track of the number of followers I have (which they say matters when you decide to make yoga your ‘business’), and it’s fueling an ego I am working on letting go of.
On social media, I feel pressured to share stuff that people like, not the things I do. That’s starting to become a problem because instead of sharing morning rituals, nature, the moon and slow yoga practices, I just feel stuck. I feel stuck swaying from the egotistical side of Instagram, looking at the likes & follows, and the loud voices inside me. I get angry at myself every time I share a picture of my face to get people to pay attention to the ideas I share.
I feel the need to reconcile both parts, and I’m not sure how. So I’m left with questions for meditation. I meditate. I ask. I reassure my ego & let it go. That’s what I’ll keep doing until I find a way to make my online world a sacred space, where I can let my Sacred Self flourish and exist – because I truly believe it can.