My birthday is always a time of reflection, honoring the emotions that arise and exploring how I can embrace a more balanced energy. As I begin my 42nd year around the Sun, I know that the scars of my traumatic childhood will always be there. Part of me will always be fearful, anxious and a recovering perfectionist. But I am learning how to read the energy associated with their triggers and to embrace the cycles of life.
For me, one of the primary aspects of having a more balanced nervous system and energy is sobriety. It wasn’t that I was over-drinking as I did in my twenties and early thirties. It was that I was using alcohol as a way to medicate my anxiety and the stresses of parenting. This hit me straight in the face on the evening of my 40th birthday. My amazing little man desperately needed support and I couldn’t be there for him in the way that he needed. It was a crushing feeling accompanied by the realization that I was perpetuating a dysfunctional pattern from my family.
Sobriety is a very personal decision and in no way do I judge people who enjoy alcohol. What I know is that I am now able to maintain an even-keeled energy and stay completely present, even when grief and sadness arise. I feel comfortable in my own skin because I understand my Self better. I have a relationship with my light and my shadow. Having this full presence enables me to navigate my life with more awareness, patience, love and kindness. Choosing the right medicine supports me to be the woman whom I am proud to be.