In 2018, I had my “come to God” moment. Suddenly, my husband left. In the first few months, I was utterly convinced my life was over. And then, one day, after months of fog, I realized it was quite the opposite.
We tend to lean negative. We get stuck in traffic and are irritated, certain to be late or put out. We never get a call back from our love interest and get lost in the mental onslaught of not being enough. A job opportunity doesn’t pan out, a marriage crumbles…life is “over.” Quite often, we fall into this dualistic perception of life and its plethora of events. When things do not go our way, they get labeled negative. When they do, positive. And just like that, we’ve created a pattern.
There is always a “come to God” moment. Nightmares come true -jobs lost, unions end, addictions, deaths…the scenarios are endless. These moments present an opportunity. We can continue to label the experiences as bad or good, adhering to the pattern. Or we can begin to see something else. We can begin to look at the circumstances of our lives with a bit more curiosity and discernment and discover that within the mud and muck, is gold.
And so, the question becomes: What if our nightmares becoming reality, is really our dreams coming true?
Certainly, after my marriage failed, it took me a while to get here. It also took therapy, meditation, tears, google searches on how long the pain of a partner leaving would last, and a slew of negative behaviors where I fully embraced my role as victim. When I did arrive on the other side of mourning, I surprisingly realized that I was filled with gratitude. My life did not turn out the way I had hoped. It had turned out better.
Sitting in a church hall years ago, I had read, “An Expectation is a Premeditated Resentment.” Dreaming is exciting. In our fairy tale, we want that happy ending. Unfortunately fairytales rarely present themselves exactly as we would like. Life is ripe with opportunities to temper tantrum. The thing is, I figure we are about 50/50 on the turn out. I can obsess and get lost in anxiety like a pro. I’ll be sitting here under the dark cloud of my patterns, convinced I am unsuccessful and unlovable and this new adventure I am attempting will undoubtedly blow up in my face. And then – pause, take a deep breath, and remember that I don’t have a freaking clue. For all premeditated failures, there are delightful successes. For all imagined shortcomings, there are extraordinary talents.
When the labels of duality are removed, so are the limits. We can spend a lot of time attaching ourselves to the self-imposed limits of our lives, or we can choose to be limitless. In the exciting unknown, the new fairytale exists. It is an adventurous tale and each chapter ends with “what if…?”