I am going to be honest.
Honest with myself. Honest with you.
Honest with the man that I am, and the man that I am nurturing.
Of the man that I believe I am capable of being.
I believe I am worthy of his highest.
I believe you are too.
And that is why I long for you. Why I seek your company. How being present may impart magic in those precious moments, when we are together.
I believe in the beauty that we could be. In the shared inspirations. In the infinite possibilities we already are.
I want to tell you how my chest is broad and deep. Of the richness that can be found there.
My genuine laugh fills a room. It comes partnered with a smile that can light one. They relate by shared interests: kindness, compassion and the primordial spark. It’s how they discovered one another.
For too long, lacking a frame within which to create, my energy has challenged women to be present with me.
I have poured love into others so fiercely. I worked past boundaries I felt didn’t belong. I did not ask permission. I exploited women’s soft spot for being listened to attentively, and I found it easy to do.
In neglecting to direct any of these attentions towards myself, I fed cravings. My present moment exercise siphoned time and attention. Indulging superficially did little for meaningful pursuits.
I am tired.
I will go on no longer, meandering in this cycle of skin deep.
I have found it hard to draw water from a dry well.
So for all of my longing, my attention, my desire to connect, I am stepping back, turning in, to see what I need of me. Crafting a frame for my existence, so that creation can be held.
I shall listen closer for all the love I wish for you, and how that makes you feel, for my own self.
To link the worthy chain forged by my ancestors.
To replenish the well.
I’m still practicing…
Photo Credit: Pete Longworth